Riddle me this. Why is it that the more education and money you have the less likely you are to have any of the three things in the title of this blog (excluding professional athletes of course)? I guess it's kind of like asking why do rich educated people see who can row a boat the fastest, play lacrosse, and tie their sweaters around their necks? Don't get me wrong both groups still look like total assholes, with their necks tattooed and sweatered. But where and why this split in culture occurs totally fascinates me. Neither is really better than the other, I've encountered many a blue blood that could definitely have been on cops, they just live in better neighborhoods. Cops should spend a year in Park City then they could get all the footage they need of people being arrested in their boat shoes.
Seriously people I want some answers!!!!!! I need some sociology majors to enlighten me.
Every other trailer in my park has a pitbull. Is it because you are trying to protect your xbox and flatscreen from getting stolen? Or maybe your lava lamp? Again I don't understand!
PS at the library the other day i saw a girl with a tramp stamp that read "In My Crack". BOOM! That actually happened.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Trailers and Tiaras
Some of you may be familiar with the show Toddlers and Tiaras. It is currently my favorite new obsession. You start out watching in horror, the car wreck you can't turn away from, and 40 minutes later you are on the edge of your couch crossing your fingers that "Queen" (an actual childs name on the show) will get the Ultimate Grand Supreme. It is a fascinating look into this mostly white southern sub-culture. The costumes alone are enough to get me to watch, but combined with the meltdowns, tantrums, and desperate mothers/gay fathers taking second mortgages out on their homes to afford those glitz costumes and flippers (fake teeth that the girls where) I wonder why people even bother with the Jersey Shore and the Bachelor. Watching an episode of T and T is like watching Sixteen and Pregnant (the early years). Before all the mothers are like "I thought i did everything right by giving her birth control and letting her boyfriend live with us? Were did i go wrong?"
Surprisingly most of these contestants don't actually live in trailers. Because pageanting is expensive, like one dress can cost in the 1,000 to 3,000 dollar range. Now not all of the girls where dresses that expensive. But trust me if you want to be pulling those grand supreme titles you better. Hence it's mostly beaten down men who have really good jobs, that are too scared of their wives to say no to shelling out this kind of cash to dress their daughters like showgirls. But there are real nuggets of wisdom in this show. Like one pageant coach tells her four year old charge that she should like nerds, because nerds make a lot of money and that is who you want to marry.
These are the times of stories that we should be learning as young girls. I would have much rather learned this lesson as a four year old than that of prince charming coming to save me and now having false expectations permeating all of my relationships. If only my mother had been shelling out money hourly for me to learn the valuable lesson of liking nerds cuz they make more money, high school would have been very different for me. But it is too late, i am already hardwired for prince charming and not for the Bill Gates and Steve Jobs of this world. See all you haters Toddlers and Tiara is not all bad.
For the most perfect depiction of Trailers and Tiara's everyone please go by the movie "Drop Dead Gorgeous". Where my favorite line from the movie is when mothers tells daughter "If they ask you to take your top off make sure you get the money first, and go get my smokes!" Wiser words have never been spoken.
Surprisingly most of these contestants don't actually live in trailers. Because pageanting is expensive, like one dress can cost in the 1,000 to 3,000 dollar range. Now not all of the girls where dresses that expensive. But trust me if you want to be pulling those grand supreme titles you better. Hence it's mostly beaten down men who have really good jobs, that are too scared of their wives to say no to shelling out this kind of cash to dress their daughters like showgirls. But there are real nuggets of wisdom in this show. Like one pageant coach tells her four year old charge that she should like nerds, because nerds make a lot of money and that is who you want to marry.
These are the times of stories that we should be learning as young girls. I would have much rather learned this lesson as a four year old than that of prince charming coming to save me and now having false expectations permeating all of my relationships. If only my mother had been shelling out money hourly for me to learn the valuable lesson of liking nerds cuz they make more money, high school would have been very different for me. But it is too late, i am already hardwired for prince charming and not for the Bill Gates and Steve Jobs of this world. See all you haters Toddlers and Tiara is not all bad.
For the most perfect depiction of Trailers and Tiara's everyone please go by the movie "Drop Dead Gorgeous". Where my favorite line from the movie is when mothers tells daughter "If they ask you to take your top off make sure you get the money first, and go get my smokes!" Wiser words have never been spoken.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Ho Cups
Ho Cups and Trailers go together like Martinis and Penthouses or Orange Soda and Government Housing. If you know me then you know what a ho cup is. I used to have a hilarious and perfect ho cup explanation on facebook so i could refer newcomers to the phrase there. Instead of having to go into it's lengthy explanation. But Facebook is retarded and now i just have two boxes one labeled "Ho" and one labeled "Cup". So i though there is no better place than my blog to have an explanation once and for all that wont get messed with.
The term Ho Cup originated in White Pine County (although they are not necessarily native to that region) around the late 90's from me and my best friend. It came about by observing that a particular kind of girl always hand one in her possession at bonfires, sporting events, or any group gathering. In the Ho Cup was usually (not always) an adult beverage disguised as an innocent gas station soda.
A Ho Cup consists of any fountain soda 32 oz. or larger. It is held by the top of the cup with the straw being positioned between the pointer and middle finger. Then the way a ho cup is drank is by bringing the Ho cup to ones mouth, inserting the entire straw into the mouth to the point where your lips are touching to almost touching your hand. Also, usually accompanying the Ho cup on the drinking hand is a key chain hooked onto the pinky or ring finger. Now when the term was coined beanie babies and kush balls were all the rage so one of those were always included on the key chain. When you see them these days they are still accompanied by a key chain but usually with just an excessive amount of "I went to hell and all i got was this lousy key chain" type of key chains. And that my friends is a Ho Cup.
If you grew up in any rural community (especially in Utah or Nevada) during the late 90's early 00's you are most likely reading this and shaking your head in agreement and remembering seeing more than a few ho cups in your day. Ever since highschool I have referred to these types of drinks as Ho Cups. It is just second nature i don't even think about it. So when i would tell a friend "Let's go get a ho cup." Or "Bring me back a ho cup." Or post on Facebook how i am enjoying a delicious Ho cup. People always give me a weird look. But as soon as i start to explain to them what a ho cup is you can literally see the light in their eyes go off when they recognize people they knew (or know) who sport the ho cup exactly as described above.
Seriously it is one of the most satisfying things. One time i was telling this story at a friends BBQ and before i even got to the key chain part one of my friends jumps in and was like "Yeah and the girl always had this big key chain on her hand, and drank it all seductively by wrapping her tongue around the straw". This said person went to high school in Heber Ut so he really did know!!! So of course they start calling it a ho cup as well because it just makes so much sense.
I should have really named this blog "Ho Cup Nation", maybe my next one. On second thought I need to get that phrase trademarked and put on t-shirts and coffee mugs and car stickers!! OMG I am going to go get on one of those make your own car sticker sites and make myself a "Ho Cup Nation" sticker for the Corolla. Anyways It really warms my heart when extended friends and family tell me that they now exclusively use ho cup when they are referring to fountain soda. So far i know that term is used in New York, Colorado, Nevada, and Utah but my life's mission (not really) is to spread the term Ho cup to all fifty states! Ho Cup Nation Unite!!! Pictures to follow.
The term Ho Cup originated in White Pine County (although they are not necessarily native to that region) around the late 90's from me and my best friend. It came about by observing that a particular kind of girl always hand one in her possession at bonfires, sporting events, or any group gathering. In the Ho Cup was usually (not always) an adult beverage disguised as an innocent gas station soda.
A Ho Cup consists of any fountain soda 32 oz. or larger. It is held by the top of the cup with the straw being positioned between the pointer and middle finger. Then the way a ho cup is drank is by bringing the Ho cup to ones mouth, inserting the entire straw into the mouth to the point where your lips are touching to almost touching your hand. Also, usually accompanying the Ho cup on the drinking hand is a key chain hooked onto the pinky or ring finger. Now when the term was coined beanie babies and kush balls were all the rage so one of those were always included on the key chain. When you see them these days they are still accompanied by a key chain but usually with just an excessive amount of "I went to hell and all i got was this lousy key chain" type of key chains. And that my friends is a Ho Cup.
If you grew up in any rural community (especially in Utah or Nevada) during the late 90's early 00's you are most likely reading this and shaking your head in agreement and remembering seeing more than a few ho cups in your day. Ever since highschool I have referred to these types of drinks as Ho Cups. It is just second nature i don't even think about it. So when i would tell a friend "Let's go get a ho cup." Or "Bring me back a ho cup." Or post on Facebook how i am enjoying a delicious Ho cup. People always give me a weird look. But as soon as i start to explain to them what a ho cup is you can literally see the light in their eyes go off when they recognize people they knew (or know) who sport the ho cup exactly as described above.
Seriously it is one of the most satisfying things. One time i was telling this story at a friends BBQ and before i even got to the key chain part one of my friends jumps in and was like "Yeah and the girl always had this big key chain on her hand, and drank it all seductively by wrapping her tongue around the straw". This said person went to high school in Heber Ut so he really did know!!! So of course they start calling it a ho cup as well because it just makes so much sense.
I should have really named this blog "Ho Cup Nation", maybe my next one. On second thought I need to get that phrase trademarked and put on t-shirts and coffee mugs and car stickers!! OMG I am going to go get on one of those make your own car sticker sites and make myself a "Ho Cup Nation" sticker for the Corolla. Anyways It really warms my heart when extended friends and family tell me that they now exclusively use ho cup when they are referring to fountain soda. So far i know that term is used in New York, Colorado, Nevada, and Utah but my life's mission (not really) is to spread the term Ho cup to all fifty states! Ho Cup Nation Unite!!! Pictures to follow.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Doublewides and Doublelifes
I pretty much lead a double life. Working at a mine as i do out in the middle of no where. Unless you've known me from the way back then most people have a hard time envisioning my trailer park life and all the people i work with have a hard time envisioning me having and extensive shoe collection that does not include flats. Just cuz a girl can dress and knows which fork to eat with doesn't mean that she doesn't also enjoy driving a forklift and mixing it up with miners. For instance today i heard this gem "It doesn't smell like dick anymore?" (Pause for comedic effect) Now that is just a funny question/statement on it's own. But when the context is two mechanics discussing the breath of one mechanic who just quit chewing (smokeless tobacco, for those of you who are reading this blog and don't know anything about small redneck towns) it is down right bladder release inducing.
And since it is impossible for anyone to look hot in a hardhat and safety glasses, i don't even bother with putting on makeup or doing my hair when i work. So basically if i ever got dressed for real and had full hair and makeup done, people would be reintroducing themselves to me and I'd be like "Ya I know we work together everyday Bob." Which would be met with incredulity. And if you know me in my real life you would not recognize me in my steel toes, hard hat (covering my gorgeous red hair), and safety glasses (disguising my shimmering green eyes). All of this adding up to the fact that I would be a perfect spy and should be leading my dream life as you read. To bad Farsi was not offered at my highschool and I'm as white as an infidel whore. But if they ever needed any behind the lines recon in Ireland, I would have no problem penetrating the IRA. Pictures to follow.
And since it is impossible for anyone to look hot in a hardhat and safety glasses, i don't even bother with putting on makeup or doing my hair when i work. So basically if i ever got dressed for real and had full hair and makeup done, people would be reintroducing themselves to me and I'd be like "Ya I know we work together everyday Bob." Which would be met with incredulity. And if you know me in my real life you would not recognize me in my steel toes, hard hat (covering my gorgeous red hair), and safety glasses (disguising my shimmering green eyes). All of this adding up to the fact that I would be a perfect spy and should be leading my dream life as you read. To bad Farsi was not offered at my highschool and I'm as white as an infidel whore. But if they ever needed any behind the lines recon in Ireland, I would have no problem penetrating the IRA. Pictures to follow.
50K cars and 15K trailers
I think this type of driveway situation is specific to trailer parks and or reservations. Where a 50 to 60 thousand dollar automobile is parked in front of 15 thousand dollar single wide trailer. Where you think wouldn't that $600- $800 hundred dollar a month car payment be put to better use in some home equity? Naahhhh. This topic came up because tomorrow I am going to get my new car a 2007 Toyota Corolla S from it's nice garaged life in Reno to it's new home in the trailer park. Now my car payment is like $275 a month but still it is a little bit too nice of car to be parked in front of a trailer. But since I'm living the trailer park lifestyle 80% of my time i thought i might as well embrace it. Pictures to follow.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
White Pine County Fair
I'm so sad that i missed my County Fair this weekend. Usually this weekend in august is spent watching animals be auctioned off, enjoying funnel cakes, placing two dollar bets on the ponies, dancing the night away to a country band, then hitting down town Ely's amazing night life. At least i got some drunk dials from my cousin (she actually wasn't that drunk even, I understood everything she said, fail at the point of drunk dialing, otherwise it is just a normal dial).
I can not wait till the day (I might be the only one) my little trailer babies are in 4H and we are shinning up those hogs to get them ready for the sale. There really is nothing else like a cold august morning in White Pine County getting your animal loaded and headed to the fair and begging your parents for money to buy fake ciggarettes that they only take away after they find you with them. Except for the one i hid then fake smoked it out by the haystacks in my back yard (I'm sooooo bad).
And I think 4H might be the only place where not all the kids get the same colored ribbon so there little feelers don't get hurt. Thats right it's life and some people are Grand Champions and some people get stuck holding the feed bucket.
I can not wait till the day (I might be the only one) my little trailer babies are in 4H and we are shinning up those hogs to get them ready for the sale. There really is nothing else like a cold august morning in White Pine County getting your animal loaded and headed to the fair and begging your parents for money to buy fake ciggarettes that they only take away after they find you with them. Except for the one i hid then fake smoked it out by the haystacks in my back yard (I'm sooooo bad).
And I think 4H might be the only place where not all the kids get the same colored ribbon so there little feelers don't get hurt. Thats right it's life and some people are Grand Champions and some people get stuck holding the feed bucket.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Pistol Grip Shotguns
Important; while firing a pistog grip shot gun be sure to keep it pressed tightly to your hip. After a few shots when you think you have the hang of it and you start going all wild bill hickock on those plastic bottles. It is a possibilty the the kick back on the gun will send the handle into your hip bone, creating a very painful bruise and a severe case of dead leg. Pictures to follow.
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