Friday, September 30, 2011

Dear Trailer Neighbors

Please remember that you live in a trailer.  If you have never stayed in or are not familiar with trailers they are not very sound proof or secure (if you were every in a trailer fire you could basically just bust through the nearest wall).  I wish my neighbors would remember this when they are having a domestic dispute. A- you live in a trailer. B- all your windows are open in said trailer C- my trailer with all it's windows closed is only about a car widths away from you and i can hear everything you are saying. D- it's really awful C- i hate having flash backs to living with my parents.

One night they were fighting over i assume who she was hanging out with. Cuz she was all "She is not trash! You think everybody is trash!" followed by "Stop kicking me in the ass" this was less in a battered wife way then as an annoyed you are retarded and i can't believe i had your baby and am living with you in this trailer way. I basically pictured him holding her arm while kicking her kind of like in a loony toons episode.

Another good one was one night they were bathing there daughter i assume cuz she was screaming and they were panicked screaming at each other because she had gotten soap in her eyes.  And they were both trying to get it out but screaming at each other better ways to do it. While she screams at her daughter "I am trying to help you!" Note- their daughter is prob like 18-20 months. Hilarious!!!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Street Walker

So there is this woman that walks back and forth from Hadley to Carvers, about a 14 mile round trip, almost everyday.  You always see her when your going to and from work the, the grocery store, or headed out of town.  She has this beautiful husky that is her walking companion and she has this crazy curly dark long hair and she is really tan, with wool socks a backpack and hiking boots.  To my knowledge she is not employed since she spends most of her days walking along the highway with her dog, which i think is kind of romantic.

I like to make up stories for her life, like she is really a steal barons heiress daughter but rejected her trust (or just lives off of it) to be a hermit in a trailer park in Carvers with her dog.  Or she is in witness protection and spends her days walking back and forth hiding from the mob, or the russian mob, or the irish mob.  Like she has her whole trailer booby trapped for the day when thy finally find her and come for her.

Some days i see her walking without her dog. The first day it happened i was literally in a panic. I had just recently lost Fred and was a total wreck anyways.  But i saw her walking without her beautiful big husky and was literally in tears for her cuz i know how sad i was losing Fred, i though she must be devastated, her only friend in the whole world who was keeping her company in her seclusion was dead (i still had my friends and my family and a car).  Needless to say it was not a good day and i was a little surprised at the strength of my feeling for this random person and her dog. It's like they used to tell snipers watching there targets to make up stories about there targets to keep them from getting bored while they waited. Then when it was time to pull the trigger they had built such elaborate stories that some people couldn't do it cuz they were attached to these strangers.  That is kind of how i felt.  Two days later when i saw her walking with her dog again it was a really good day because i knew she had a friend again. 

In some ways i am envious of this woman's off the grid lifestyle.  I mean how does she do it?? So there is the trust fund, or her wit pro money, or more likely her disability money cuz she is a real crazy.  How and why Round mtn? Where was she before?  When was the last time she left the valley?  I am just totally fascinated by her lifestyle and inexplicably drawn too it. Im not that far away from it actually.  To just spend your days walking the desert with your dog with your own thoughts and feelings and your dog to keep you company.  Sure lonely at times but nothing but complete and total freedom. A life with no obligations or expectations (ok you have to feed your dog) but it is the totall freedom to build your life how you see fit with out pressure from other people or worrying about their opinions or how your decisions will effect them. 

She is like the female version of Howard Roark to me.  She is probably some brilliant artist living in obscurity for her art. Like when Howard would go back to working in the quarry when new york and all of it's preconceived ideas would not allow him to exist. He could still exist and be true to himself in the quarry when new york made it impossible.  So to me Smoky Valley is this highway walkers quarry where there is no compromising.  Obviously i have issues

Saturday, September 17, 2011


I am currently only interested in sitting in my trailer and watching season 2 of vampire diaries on DVD. Fortunately this gets broken up by 8hrs of work a day. 

Friday, September 9, 2011

Trailertastic Cuisine

Below is a list of all the fine cuisine i grew up on or have experienced at least once in my life.
Miraclewhip sandwiches
spaghetti and butter
mac and cheese with cut up hot dog (my personal favorite)
ho cups (refer below to a post)
beef sticks
chili cheese fritos
corn dogs
vienna sausages (every roommate i have ever had has been thoroughly disgusted by these)
sugar and butter on a tortilla
mini pizza's on bread
organ meat (livers, hearts, glands, tongues, etc.)

True story, I did not actually grow up in a trailer, (shocking i know) i grew up on a real live working farm with a nice house that included a sweet basement (that is still rocking red shag carpet). On said farm we had cows, pigs, sheep, horses and chickens. We raised and butchered all of our own meat before all those self righteous idiots ever even heard the term "Green".

One morning after slaughtering some lambs the day before (my dad makes the worlds best lamb chops you have ever had, I'm not kidding, professional chefs with their mint jelly have nothing on my dad) I wake up to some delicious sounds and smells coming from the kitchen. I raise myself from bed (at 5am because i have to feed all these animals before i go to early morning seminary at 6am) and walk into the warm and fragrant kitchen where my father is preparing breakfast. As i ask him what smells so good and look down at the cutting board i am frozen by what i see under his knife.

It is a small heart, about the size of nectarine or large plum.  Being neatly sliced exposing all ventricles and passages. Also on the cutting board are about four other hearts waiting their turn to be sliced and fried up with the potatoes and onions that were making this breakfast smell so heavenly.  Now I am a farm girl not some squeamish vegan, I mean the day before i was literally leading these lambs to slaughter without batting an eye.  And now i can't take my eyes off of their little hearts half fascinated (i have never seen a heart before needless to say the inside of it) and half horrified. That morning i had toast for breakfast and went and fed all the hungry animals. True story.

Trailers, Tats, and Pitbulls

Riddle me this.  Why is it that the more education and money you have the less likely you are to have any of the three things in the title of this blog (excluding professional athletes of course)?  I guess it's kind of like asking why do rich educated people see who can row a boat the fastest, play lacrosse, and tie their sweaters around their necks?  Don't get me wrong both groups still look like total assholes, with their necks tattooed and sweatered.  But where and why this split in culture occurs totally fascinates me.  Neither is really better than the other, I've encountered many a blue blood that could definitely have been on cops, they just live in better neighborhoods.  Cops should spend a year in Park City then they could get all the footage they need of people being arrested in their boat shoes.

Seriously people I want some answers!!!!!!  I need some sociology majors to enlighten me. 

Every other trailer in my park has a pitbull.  Is it because you are trying to protect your xbox and flatscreen from getting stolen? Or maybe your lava lamp?  Again I don't understand!

PS at the library the other day i saw a girl with a tramp stamp that read "In My Crack". BOOM! That actually happened.

Trailers and Tiaras

Some of you may be familiar with the show Toddlers and Tiaras. It is currently my favorite new obsession. You start out watching in horror, the car wreck you can't turn away from, and 40 minutes later you are on the edge of your couch crossing your fingers that "Queen" (an actual childs name on the show) will get the Ultimate Grand Supreme.  It is a fascinating look into this mostly white southern sub-culture.  The costumes alone are enough to get me to watch, but combined with the meltdowns, tantrums, and desperate mothers/gay fathers taking second mortgages out on their homes to afford those glitz costumes and flippers (fake teeth that the girls where) I wonder why people even bother with the Jersey Shore and the Bachelor.  Watching an episode of T and T is like watching Sixteen and Pregnant (the early years). Before all the mothers are like "I thought i did everything right by giving her birth control and letting her boyfriend live with us? Were did i go wrong?" 

Surprisingly most of these contestants don't actually live in trailers.  Because pageanting is expensive, like one dress can cost in the 1,000 to 3,000 dollar range. Now not all of the girls where dresses that expensive. But trust me if you want to be pulling those grand supreme titles you better.  Hence it's mostly beaten down men who have really good jobs, that are too scared of their wives to say no to shelling out this kind of cash to dress their daughters like showgirls.  But there are real nuggets of wisdom in this show.  Like one pageant coach tells her four year old charge that she should like nerds, because nerds make a lot of  money and that is who you want to marry. 

These are the times of stories that we should be learning as young girls. I would have much rather learned this lesson as a four year old than that of prince charming coming to save me and now having false expectations permeating all of my relationships.  If only my mother had been shelling out money hourly for me to learn the valuable lesson of liking nerds cuz they make more money, high school would have been very different for me.  But it is too late, i am already hardwired for prince charming and not for the Bill Gates and Steve Jobs of this world.  See all you haters Toddlers and Tiara is not all bad.

For the most perfect depiction of Trailers and Tiara's everyone please go by the movie "Drop Dead Gorgeous". Where my favorite line from the movie is when mothers tells daughter "If they ask you to take your top off make sure you get the money first, and go get my smokes!"  Wiser words have never been spoken.