Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Raw Pine Nuts and Running

So i have decided to get back in shape this fall.  So this weekend when i got off work i decided to make use of the perfect crisp fall weather and head on a little hike/run up the canyon that is a just west of my trailer park (i have no idea how far it is because i am terrible at things like that but lets just say it is probably a good 6 or 7 miles round trip).  I was feeling really good energized by the beautiful day and landscape.  That is why i hate working out in gyms. They are disgusting and full of germs and creepy people. And the mirrors!! The only thing that makes me actually more tired then running is watching myself get all red faced and tired from running.  But a beautiful canyon landscape on a fall day i feel like i can run forever breathing in that fresh Nevada air.

During my run i noticed that the trees were full of pine nuts, which i love! They are delicious and nothing says fall to me like the first wood fire of the season and picking and eating pine nuts and getting wood. I have not had real pine nuts in forever though, maybe twice since i have moved out of my parents house.  So while i was on my run i just had to have a few. So i picked a cone off the tree and ignored the pitch and had a few raw pine nuts. Which were delicious raw and had me wishing that i had a truck so i could have come back and gotten more so i could cook and enjoy them for real.  However i do not recommend eating raw pine nuts.  I probably would have been ok had i stopped at 2 or 3 but they were so good and since i have no control i ended up having like 7.

 Now pine nuts have a ton of turpentine or something that sounds like that in them that can have you going in for your gallbladder removed if you eat enough of them.  And my theory is that eating them raw they had twice as much cuz i also had delicious smelling pitch allover my hands as well. (That's another thing why can't they make pine scented stuff smell right? If they could actually duplicate the smell of fresh pine or even pine sap i would have all the candles and fresheners, and come on there would be nothing better than a cologne that smelled like actual pine trees, like he's been cutting wood all day and smells like pine sap, leather, and a little bit of the exhaust from the chain saw. That is my ideal man smell. Least ideal man smell when they leave their laundry in the washing machine too long and don't re-wash it and it has that sour moldy smell. Gross!) Any ways back to my actual story, eating the raw pine nuts gave me the worst stomach ache ever and since i'm not at the gym i can't just get in my car and go home i have to turn around and go back down the 3 or so odd miles that i just had come. Not the best end to my hike/run but it started out incredibly magical and was still way way better then ever going to the gym.

Rain on a Tin Trailer Roof

Last week i had about the best morning in the history of time!  It was the wed morning of my day off and i was going to be heading to reno that day so i had set my alarm for 7am so i could get on the road and out of that trailer park.  When my alarm went off I awoke to the sounds of a soft delicious rain.  The trailer was a little chilly and i was all warm and snuggled so comfy in my bed while it was overcast, listening to the heavenly sound of rain on my trailer roof.  It was one of those perfect moments that life sometimes gives you. I had the next two days off, i was going home to Reno/civilization, and was warm and happy in my bed. I just hit ignore on my alarm and let the soft fall rain lull me back to sleep. I had never been happier to be living in a trailer at that moment.
 While you can always buy the sound of rain on a machine it is never the same, because they can not duplicate the smell of a Nevada October rain or create that perfect humidity level.  Plus the sounds of rain noises are always in a forest. Never from how it sounds from the inside of a trailer. Now that i would buy.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Dear Trailer Neighbors

Please remember that you live in a trailer.  If you have never stayed in or are not familiar with trailers they are not very sound proof or secure (if you were every in a trailer fire you could basically just bust through the nearest wall).  I wish my neighbors would remember this when they are having a domestic dispute. A- you live in a trailer. B- all your windows are open in said trailer C- my trailer with all it's windows closed is only about a car widths away from you and i can hear everything you are saying. D- it's really awful C- i hate having flash backs to living with my parents.

One night they were fighting over i assume who she was hanging out with. Cuz she was all "She is not trash! You think everybody is trash!" followed by "Stop kicking me in the ass" this was less in a battered wife way then as an annoyed you are retarded and i can't believe i had your baby and am living with you in this trailer way. I basically pictured him holding her arm while kicking her kind of like in a loony toons episode.

Another good one was one night they were bathing there daughter i assume cuz she was screaming and they were panicked screaming at each other because she had gotten soap in her eyes.  And they were both trying to get it out but screaming at each other better ways to do it. While she screams at her daughter "I am trying to help you!" Note- their daughter is prob like 18-20 months. Hilarious!!!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Street Walker

So there is this woman that walks back and forth from Hadley to Carvers, about a 14 mile round trip, almost everyday.  You always see her when your going to and from work the, the grocery store, or headed out of town.  She has this beautiful husky that is her walking companion and she has this crazy curly dark long hair and she is really tan, with wool socks a backpack and hiking boots.  To my knowledge she is not employed since she spends most of her days walking along the highway with her dog, which i think is kind of romantic.

I like to make up stories for her life, like she is really a steal barons heiress daughter but rejected her trust (or just lives off of it) to be a hermit in a trailer park in Carvers with her dog.  Or she is in witness protection and spends her days walking back and forth hiding from the mob, or the russian mob, or the irish mob.  Like she has her whole trailer booby trapped for the day when thy finally find her and come for her.

Some days i see her walking without her dog. The first day it happened i was literally in a panic. I had just recently lost Fred and was a total wreck anyways.  But i saw her walking without her beautiful big husky and was literally in tears for her cuz i know how sad i was losing Fred, i though she must be devastated, her only friend in the whole world who was keeping her company in her seclusion was dead (i still had my friends and my family and a car).  Needless to say it was not a good day and i was a little surprised at the strength of my feeling for this random person and her dog. It's like they used to tell snipers watching there targets to make up stories about there targets to keep them from getting bored while they waited. Then when it was time to pull the trigger they had built such elaborate stories that some people couldn't do it cuz they were attached to these strangers.  That is kind of how i felt.  Two days later when i saw her walking with her dog again it was a really good day because i knew she had a friend again. 

In some ways i am envious of this woman's off the grid lifestyle.  I mean how does she do it?? So there is the trust fund, or her wit pro money, or more likely her disability money cuz she is a real crazy.  How and why Round mtn? Where was she before?  When was the last time she left the valley?  I am just totally fascinated by her lifestyle and inexplicably drawn too it. Im not that far away from it actually.  To just spend your days walking the desert with your dog with your own thoughts and feelings and your dog to keep you company.  Sure lonely at times but nothing but complete and total freedom. A life with no obligations or expectations (ok you have to feed your dog) but it is the totall freedom to build your life how you see fit with out pressure from other people or worrying about their opinions or how your decisions will effect them. 

She is like the female version of Howard Roark to me.  She is probably some brilliant artist living in obscurity for her art. Like when Howard would go back to working in the quarry when new york and all of it's preconceived ideas would not allow him to exist. He could still exist and be true to himself in the quarry when new york made it impossible.  So to me Smoky Valley is this highway walkers quarry where there is no compromising.  Obviously i have issues

Saturday, September 17, 2011


I am currently only interested in sitting in my trailer and watching season 2 of vampire diaries on DVD. Fortunately this gets broken up by 8hrs of work a day. 

Friday, September 9, 2011

Trailertastic Cuisine

Below is a list of all the fine cuisine i grew up on or have experienced at least once in my life.
Miraclewhip sandwiches
spaghetti and butter
mac and cheese with cut up hot dog (my personal favorite)
ho cups (refer below to a post)
beef sticks
chili cheese fritos
corn dogs
vienna sausages (every roommate i have ever had has been thoroughly disgusted by these)
sugar and butter on a tortilla
mini pizza's on bread
organ meat (livers, hearts, glands, tongues, etc.)

True story, I did not actually grow up in a trailer, (shocking i know) i grew up on a real live working farm with a nice house that included a sweet basement (that is still rocking red shag carpet). On said farm we had cows, pigs, sheep, horses and chickens. We raised and butchered all of our own meat before all those self righteous idiots ever even heard the term "Green".

One morning after slaughtering some lambs the day before (my dad makes the worlds best lamb chops you have ever had, I'm not kidding, professional chefs with their mint jelly have nothing on my dad) I wake up to some delicious sounds and smells coming from the kitchen. I raise myself from bed (at 5am because i have to feed all these animals before i go to early morning seminary at 6am) and walk into the warm and fragrant kitchen where my father is preparing breakfast. As i ask him what smells so good and look down at the cutting board i am frozen by what i see under his knife.

It is a small heart, about the size of nectarine or large plum.  Being neatly sliced exposing all ventricles and passages. Also on the cutting board are about four other hearts waiting their turn to be sliced and fried up with the potatoes and onions that were making this breakfast smell so heavenly.  Now I am a farm girl not some squeamish vegan, I mean the day before i was literally leading these lambs to slaughter without batting an eye.  And now i can't take my eyes off of their little hearts half fascinated (i have never seen a heart before needless to say the inside of it) and half horrified. That morning i had toast for breakfast and went and fed all the hungry animals. True story.

Trailers, Tats, and Pitbulls

Riddle me this.  Why is it that the more education and money you have the less likely you are to have any of the three things in the title of this blog (excluding professional athletes of course)?  I guess it's kind of like asking why do rich educated people see who can row a boat the fastest, play lacrosse, and tie their sweaters around their necks?  Don't get me wrong both groups still look like total assholes, with their necks tattooed and sweatered.  But where and why this split in culture occurs totally fascinates me.  Neither is really better than the other, I've encountered many a blue blood that could definitely have been on cops, they just live in better neighborhoods.  Cops should spend a year in Park City then they could get all the footage they need of people being arrested in their boat shoes.

Seriously people I want some answers!!!!!!  I need some sociology majors to enlighten me. 

Every other trailer in my park has a pitbull.  Is it because you are trying to protect your xbox and flatscreen from getting stolen? Or maybe your lava lamp?  Again I don't understand!

PS at the library the other day i saw a girl with a tramp stamp that read "In My Crack". BOOM! That actually happened.

Trailers and Tiaras

Some of you may be familiar with the show Toddlers and Tiaras. It is currently my favorite new obsession. You start out watching in horror, the car wreck you can't turn away from, and 40 minutes later you are on the edge of your couch crossing your fingers that "Queen" (an actual childs name on the show) will get the Ultimate Grand Supreme.  It is a fascinating look into this mostly white southern sub-culture.  The costumes alone are enough to get me to watch, but combined with the meltdowns, tantrums, and desperate mothers/gay fathers taking second mortgages out on their homes to afford those glitz costumes and flippers (fake teeth that the girls where) I wonder why people even bother with the Jersey Shore and the Bachelor.  Watching an episode of T and T is like watching Sixteen and Pregnant (the early years). Before all the mothers are like "I thought i did everything right by giving her birth control and letting her boyfriend live with us? Were did i go wrong?" 

Surprisingly most of these contestants don't actually live in trailers.  Because pageanting is expensive, like one dress can cost in the 1,000 to 3,000 dollar range. Now not all of the girls where dresses that expensive. But trust me if you want to be pulling those grand supreme titles you better.  Hence it's mostly beaten down men who have really good jobs, that are too scared of their wives to say no to shelling out this kind of cash to dress their daughters like showgirls.  But there are real nuggets of wisdom in this show.  Like one pageant coach tells her four year old charge that she should like nerds, because nerds make a lot of  money and that is who you want to marry. 

These are the times of stories that we should be learning as young girls. I would have much rather learned this lesson as a four year old than that of prince charming coming to save me and now having false expectations permeating all of my relationships.  If only my mother had been shelling out money hourly for me to learn the valuable lesson of liking nerds cuz they make more money, high school would have been very different for me.  But it is too late, i am already hardwired for prince charming and not for the Bill Gates and Steve Jobs of this world.  See all you haters Toddlers and Tiara is not all bad.

For the most perfect depiction of Trailers and Tiara's everyone please go by the movie "Drop Dead Gorgeous". Where my favorite line from the movie is when mothers tells daughter "If they ask you to take your top off make sure you get the money first, and go get my smokes!"  Wiser words have never been spoken.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Ho Cups

Ho Cups and Trailers go together like Martinis and Penthouses or Orange Soda and Government Housing.  If you know me then you know what a ho cup is. I used to have a hilarious and perfect ho cup explanation on facebook so i could refer newcomers to the phrase there. Instead of having to go into it's lengthy explanation. But Facebook is retarded and now i just have two boxes one labeled "Ho" and one labeled "Cup". So i though there is no better place than my blog to have an explanation once and for all that wont get messed with.

The term Ho Cup originated in White Pine County (although they are not necessarily native to that region) around the late 90's from me and my best friend.  It came about by observing that a particular kind of girl always hand one in her possession at bonfires, sporting events, or any group gathering.  In the Ho Cup was usually (not always) an adult beverage disguised as an innocent gas station soda.

 A Ho Cup consists of any fountain soda 32 oz. or larger.  It is held by the top of the cup with the straw being positioned between the pointer and middle finger.  Then the way a ho cup is drank is by bringing the Ho cup to ones mouth, inserting the entire straw into the mouth to the point where your lips are touching to almost touching your hand. Also, usually accompanying the Ho cup on the drinking hand is a key chain hooked onto the pinky or ring finger. Now when the term was coined beanie babies and kush balls were all the rage so one of those were always included on the key chain. When you see them these days they are still accompanied by a key chain but usually with just an excessive amount of "I went to hell and all i got was this lousy key chain" type of key chains. And that my friends is a Ho Cup. 

If you grew up in any rural community (especially in Utah or Nevada) during the late 90's early 00's you are most likely reading this and shaking your head in agreement and remembering seeing more than a few ho cups in your day. Ever since highschool I have referred to these types of drinks as Ho Cups.  It is just second nature i don't even think about it.  So when i would tell a friend "Let's go get a ho cup." Or "Bring me back a ho cup." Or post on Facebook how i am enjoying a delicious Ho cup. People always give me a weird look. But as soon as i start to explain to them what a ho cup is you can literally see the light in their eyes go off when they recognize people they knew (or know) who sport the ho cup exactly as described above.

Seriously it is one of the most satisfying things.  One time i was telling this story at a friends BBQ and before i even got to the key chain part one of my friends jumps in and was like "Yeah and the girl always had this big key chain on her hand, and drank it all seductively by wrapping her tongue around the straw". This said person went to high school in Heber Ut so he really did know!!!  So of course they start calling it a ho cup as well because it just makes so much sense.

I should have really named this blog "Ho Cup Nation", maybe my next one. On second thought I need to get that phrase trademarked and put on t-shirts and coffee mugs and car stickers!! OMG I am going to go get on one of those make your own car sticker sites and make myself a "Ho Cup Nation" sticker for the Corolla. Anyways It really warms my heart when extended friends and family tell me that they now exclusively use ho cup when they are referring to fountain soda. So far i know that term is used in New York, Colorado, Nevada, and Utah but my life's mission (not really) is to spread the term Ho cup to all fifty states! Ho Cup Nation Unite!!! Pictures to follow.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Doublewides and Doublelifes

I pretty much lead a double life. Working at a mine as i do out in the middle of no where. Unless you've known me from the way back then most people have a hard time envisioning my trailer park life and all the people i work with have a hard time envisioning me having and extensive shoe collection that does not include flats. Just cuz a girl can dress and knows which fork to eat with doesn't mean that she doesn't also enjoy driving a forklift and mixing it up with miners. For instance today i heard this gem "It doesn't smell like dick anymore?" (Pause for comedic effect) Now that is just a funny question/statement on it's own. But when the context is two mechanics discussing the breath of one mechanic who just quit chewing (smokeless tobacco, for those of you who are reading this blog and don't know anything about small redneck towns) it is down right bladder release inducing.

And since it is impossible for anyone to look hot in a hardhat and safety glasses, i don't even bother with putting on makeup or doing my hair when i work.  So basically if i ever got dressed for real and had full hair and makeup done, people would be reintroducing themselves to me and I'd be like "Ya I know we work together everyday Bob." Which would be met with incredulity.  And if you know me in my real life you would not recognize me in my steel toes, hard hat (covering my gorgeous red hair), and safety glasses (disguising my shimmering green eyes). All of this adding up to the fact that I would be a perfect spy and should be leading my dream life as you read. To bad Farsi was not offered at my highschool and I'm as white as an infidel whore. But if they ever needed any behind the lines recon in Ireland, I would have no problem penetrating the IRA. Pictures to follow.

50K cars and 15K trailers

I think this type of driveway situation is specific to trailer parks and or reservations.  Where a 50 to 60 thousand dollar automobile is parked in front of 15 thousand dollar single wide trailer. Where you think wouldn't that $600- $800 hundred dollar a month car payment be put to better use in some home equity? Naahhhh. This topic came up because tomorrow I am going to get my new car a 2007 Toyota Corolla S from it's nice garaged life in Reno to it's new home in the trailer park. Now my car payment is like $275 a month but still it is a little bit too nice of car to be parked in front of a trailer. But since I'm living the trailer park lifestyle 80% of my time i thought i might as well embrace it. Pictures to follow.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

White Pine County Fair

I'm so sad that i missed my County Fair this weekend.  Usually this weekend in august is spent watching animals be auctioned off, enjoying funnel cakes, placing two dollar bets on the ponies, dancing the night away to a country band, then hitting down town Ely's amazing night life.  At least i got some drunk dials from my cousin (she actually wasn't that drunk even, I understood everything she said, fail at the point of drunk dialing, otherwise it is just a normal dial). 
I can not wait till the day (I might be the only one) my little trailer babies are in 4H and we are shinning up those hogs to get them ready for the sale. There really is nothing else like a cold august morning in White Pine County getting your animal loaded and headed to the fair and begging your parents for money to buy fake ciggarettes that they only take away after they find you with them. Except for the one i hid then fake smoked it out by the haystacks in my back yard (I'm sooooo bad).
And I think 4H might be the only place where not all the kids get the same colored ribbon so there little feelers don't get hurt. Thats right it's life and some people are Grand Champions and some people get stuck holding the feed bucket.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Pistol Grip Shotguns

Important; while firing a pistog grip shot gun be sure to keep it pressed tightly to your hip. After a few shots when you think you have the hang of it and you start going all wild bill hickock on those plastic bottles. It is a possibilty the the kick back on the gun will send the handle into your hip bone, creating a very painful bruise and a severe case of dead leg. Pictures to follow.

Trailer garden

How do you have a garden when you live in a trailer you might ask? Well get yourself some 2x4's and screw them to your porch. Then take 5 gallon buckets, cut holes in them, fill them with potting soil, plant whatever you want in them, hang them by said 2x4's, and watch them grow. Currently in my garden i have cucumbers and tomatoes growing amazingly. Perfect for those tomatoe and cucumber summer salads that i love and have already enjoyed one with a giant glass of ice tea. Ahhh an almost perfect summer day in the trailer park. Pictures to follow.